QUESTION # 593: CLASSIC CAMRY RETURNS

Dear Useless Men,

I've got a 1985 Toyota Camry with about 107,000 miles on her.
She runs great - couple of dings on the body but really nothing terrible.
I've obviously missed the Toyota Camry auction in Oregon that you mentioned to Classy Annie back in February.
Any other suggestions as to where I might find a collector interested in buying my Camry?
I live in Queens, NY.

Many thanks,
Virginia

Dear Virginia,

Car collecting is a fickle thing as everyone has differing tastes when it comes to what is aesthetically pleasing. For every person who thinks an ’85 Camry is to die for, you’ll probably find five more who wouldn’t be caught dead in one. Unless, of course, they were strategically placed behind the wheel by the mafia, (who like to use Camry’s on account of their big trunks), and pushed into a lake.

If you don’t know anyone in the mafia, you could probably sell it to Jay Leno. Everyone knows he collects cars, and he won’t even care about those dings you mentioned. After all, with a chin like that, it’s hypocritical to complain about minor imperfections.

I’m sure you could get his number from one of those guys named Louis who sells maps to the star’s homes in LA. If Leno doesn’t answer the phone, drive over to his house and camp out front in your car. If you think about it, it’s pretty difficult to buy a car over the phone without ever seeing it first.

If you still can’t get him to go for a test drive, just sleep out front of his house in your car. Eventually you’ll see him in the courtroom when he files a restraining order against you.

Although you won’t be able to get near him because of the court order, (well, not without a couple of billy clubs being cracked against your kneecaps), you could at least toss the keys to him and tell him to take it for a spin!

Jay’s a good guy. He’s very funny too. I saw him on a late night talk show. I think it’s on again tonight. And if he likes your Camry, I’m sure he’ll send you a cheque, if not for a small fortune, then at least for the Blue Book Value, which just might cover your court costs.

Sincerely,
The Useless Wonder

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