1. Night time will never be the same again. Sleep is a joke. You'll just "rest your eyes"
2. Poop and Pee will become interesting subject-matter for any and all conversations
3. Your child, be it boy or girl, will be able to hit the furthest wall with his or her stream of urine - a superpower evident shortly after birth.
4. No matter how many times you have burped your baby, he or she will always spit up - usually 2x the amount they have consumed
5. You will secretely hate anyone who looks well-rested and organized yet wish that some celebrity would make-over your life
6. You will think that you are going insane after just 1 week of minimal sleep and wonder how the armed forces ever make it through hell-week.
7. You will suddenly realize why some animals eat their young and thank God your baby is too cute to eat
8. TiVo will become vital, ensuring that you stay semi-connected to reality because every time the TV comes on your baby will sense it and cry because he/she wants to be changed, fed, burped....
9. All of those milestones you committed to memory before your child's birth will be useless - your child will grow and achieve milestones at his/her own pace - he/she may be in a newborn onesie for less than a month or longer than 4 months
10. You will love your child more than yourself
Leave a Comment
HippieMom2006 at 12:52pm on Apr. 9, 2008
9 months ago
This is really funny. Reply...
meow at 1:55am on Apr. 5, 2008
9 months ago
number 10 is the sweetest :)
i don't have kids yet but i'm sure this all of these will hold true for me as well! Reply...
enatividad87 at 4:38pm on Mar. 24, 2008
9 months ago
All of this is so true. And I wish I had TiVo. LOL. I never get to watch TV anymore. I always watch Dora the Explorer and Winnie the Pooh. Reply...
MattSmith at 4:42am on Mar. 4, 2008
10 months ago
Being a parent is amazing! I laughed at the Tivo part as we use it so much... I can't remember the last time we watched a whole show live without having to pause it. I also find it amazing how many shows we are unable to watch at all with the kids as they are inappropriate.... you don't really realize it until you have a kid watching the show with you. Reply...
stinsonamanda at 11:02am on Mar. 4, 2008
Yes...pre-baby...I thought of TiVo as a luxury item...more for people who always watched tv....
Now I see it as an essential tool. Even the news gets recorded for later viewing.
My son has just hit the age where he has started paying attention to what we are watching. I was watching some pointless program (like South Park) when I caught him watching it. Even though I know that he can't "understand" the show...I still turned it off. I don't want his first word to be "F*&k" Reply...
MattSmith at 9:39pm on Mar. 4, 2008
Yeah, my little girl can just sense when a show on TV is something she probably shouldn't be watching. We don't get the channel south park is on, but that one would be dangerous as it looks like a cartoon... the one thing my little one always sees and wants to watch is cartoons. Although, she does not like it when King Of The Hill is on, which is a cartoon character show, so maybe she'd be able to tell she wouldn't like South Park. Pretty impressive how sensitive she can be towards TV shows she probably doesn't fully understand. Reply...
stinsonamanda at 10:00pm on Mar. 4, 2008
Before becoming a parent myself, I used to think of parents as overly-sensitive and paranoid...controlling even...
but now...you can't be too vigilant over the music and television your kids watch...let alone video games. Although, with an 8 month old (almost) you can imagine that I don't play those anymore... Reply...
SquarePants at 9:38pm on Feb. 24, 2008
10 months ago
Wait, is the breast pump no more? That's how I used to get the middle-of-the-night shift. My wife and I learned the game of "making believe we are asleep". When one of our kids would cry, we'd act like we're sleeping, but "somehow" nudge the other, hoping the other would get up for the honors. We laughed when we figured out we were both doing it to the other. If your husband is not reading SpongeFish, you get to do it first! Reply...
stinsonamanda at 10:39pm on Feb. 24, 2008
I used to pump but it became inconvienient for me because it would take as long to pump as to feed my son - but with the added issue of sterilizing bottles and rubber nipples...so I ditched the pump.
My husband isn't a computer junkie like I am...but I'd rather sleep in late...although my toes would prefer just one night without abuse...haha. I might try feigning sleep for their sake. Reply...
Stewie at 12:06pm on Feb. 23, 2008
10 months ago
I would add "you will never be able to go anywhere in a hurry nor travel light." The checklist is extensive and the omission of any one element could turn a fun outing into a nightmare. For men, I would add (cautiously), "Encourage breast feeding for as long as you can. When your baby cries in the middle of the night, all you can do is say, Honey, I'm sorry I don't have breasts and go back to sleep." Reply...
stinsonamanda at 6:30pm on Feb. 23, 2008
lol. My husband loves that fact that our son is breastfed - he gets to sleep through the night while I stumble around in the dark and stub my toe on some random piece of furniture. Our trade-off is that when Raikkonen (our son) wakes up in the morning -it's "daddy time" and I can sleep in late.
I used to be early everywhere but since I had a baby I am usually late - there is always something that prevents me from getting out the door when I originally had planned: spit-up, a lost binky...something. Reply...
Major Generalist at 1:48pm on Feb. 21, 2008
10 months ago
The last one is what they should especially tell rookie Dads. I remember the astonishment and overwhelming flood of love I felt on the very first instant of seeing my first child. It almost buckled my knees...and no one had warned me. Reply...
Adam Durfee at 1:38pm on Feb. 21, 2008
10 months ago
I might add one more: "There are no more vacations. (At least for a while.)" And yes, it's all worth it. Reply...